I have something to say.

There has been a lot said this week in the blog world to discredit a popular blogger. I do not know her in real life. I do follow her blog. I pray for her son. But I do not pretend to know, or have any desire to know, the intimate details of her life.
What I do know is that lots of people are talking about the allegation that police were called to her house for a domestic disturbance. People are also saying negative things about her as a Christian woman, referencing Ephesians 5:22 "Wives submit to your husbands, as to the Lord." I have read things such as "If being submissive and letting your husband beat you is what it means to be a Christian woman, then 'No Thanks'."

Let me make this abundantly clear.

Listening?

GOD DOES NOT INTEND FOR A WOMAN TO SUBMIT TO HER HUSBAND'S ABUSE!

Got that?

I did a Beth Moore study at my church a few years ago. Beth talked about this subject and how it was taken out of context. For example lots of times people forget...or just don't know that Paul continues on in Ephesians 5:25 to say "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church."

Now, I'm no pastor. Far from it. I'm a female Southern Baptist, so believe me when I say FAR from it.

But even I can realize that this isn't a solo deal. If a husband loves his wife as Christ does the church, then he will not abuse her.

I searched online for Beth's study. Instead I found an excerpt from her book To Live is Christ: Embracing the Passion of Paul. Beth is one of those women I aspire to be like. She and I are going to be friends in Heaven. Beth Moore makes my Top 10 People to Meet in Heaven List!! She and I are in the same boat all the way down the river when it comes to theology too! So I feel comfortable in sharing that excerpt with y'all on here. Besides Beth says it waaaay better than I can anyway! Now if y'all know anything about Beth Moore you know she's gon' get real deep. But hang in there. It'll well worth it!

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Part 1: The Role of Christian Wives
First, notice verse 21: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." The attitude of all Christians is to be submissive to one another. No discussion of this topic can stay on track apart from that spirit.

How does the principle of mutual submission play itself out in marriage? The way I see it, my husband, Keith, has to worry about things I don't. He sometimes has to come up with answers when I can't. He's responsible for things I'm not. Many times, I'm very happy to pass the proverbial buck.

Keith would say the same about me. He really doesn't want to drive a carload of teenagers all over the city or sit for hours on the end of our daughters' beds discussing matters of the heart.

Usually we defer to each other on our "turf issues." When I'm not in agreement with Keith, I usually speak up, and we pray and work it out – at times less easily than others! This spirit of praying things through until we can come to consensus on important issues is the essence of mutual respect and the opposite of "lording it over one another."

Paul's primary directive to women dealt with submission, while his primary directive to men dealt with love. Could it be that he was targeting the areas most likely to be our weaknesses? Before we learn what submission means for Christian wives, let's learn what it does not mean:

1. Submission does not mean women are under the authority of men in general.
I love the King James Version's rendition of Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands." Guess what? Wives aren't asked to submit to anyone else's husband! Just their own!

While I make this point somewhat tongue-in cheek, many women assume the Bible teaches their general inferiority and subjection to men. Untrue. Paul is talking about marriage as a matter between each husband and wife.

2. Submission does not mean inequality.
Paul, the same man who taught submission, made a statement in Galatians 3:28 pertinent to our subject: "There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."

Spiros Zodhiates' definition of the Greek word hupotasso explains that submission "is not due to her being inferior to her husband, for they are both equal before God."

3. Submission does not mean wives are to treat their husbands like God.
The Bible Knowledge Commentary explains: "'As to the Lord' does not mean that a wife is to submit to her husband in the same way she submits to the Lord, but rather that her submission to her husband is her service rendered ‘to the Lord.'" I think most husbands are relieved they are not called on to be God to their wives!

4. Submission does not mean slavery.
Let's release a few old notions and fears! Paul uses an entirely different word in Ephesians 6:5 when he instructs slaves to obey their masters. This Greek word for "obey," huakouo embraces more of the meaning people often mistakenly associate with marital submission. Hupaaakouo means "to obey, to yield to a superior command or force (without necessarily being willing)." The term draws a picture of a soldier saluting his commander, not a wife submitting to her husband!

Now that we've learned a few things submission does not mean, just exactly what does it mean?

The Greek word for "submit" is hupotasso. Hupo means "under" and tasso means "to place in order." The compound word hupotasso means "to place under or in an orderly fashion." Paul didn't dislike women, he liked order! He advocated order in the church, order in government, order in business, and, yes, order in the home.

I'm convinced he even kept his prison cell in order! Galatians 3:28 and Ephesians 5:22 could spill from the same man's pen because Paul regarded husbands and wives as spiritual equals but with functional differences.

The concept of a submissive wife really used to go against my grain until I began to learn more about God. Two realizations have changed my entire attitude:

1. God is good and loving.
He would never give approval to meanness or abuse. Any misuse of submission by either the husband or wife is sin.

2. God granted women a measure of freedom in submission that we can learn to enjoy.
It is a relief to know that as a wife and mother I am not totally responsible for my family. I have a husband to look to for counsel and direction. I can rely on his toughness when I am too soft and his logic when I am too emotional.

Certainly, I haven't just delivered the definitive dissertation on submission, but I believe I'm offering you sound doctrine. I hope it helps. Now, let's take a brief look at the role of husbands, according to Ephesians 5:25-31.

Part 2: The Role of Christian Husbands
Thus far Paul probably had the Ephesian Christians nodding their heads in agreement. Submission of the wife to the husband was codified Hebraic law. Nothing new here.

Now Paul raised eyebrows in a hurry. He told husbands to love their wives. The Greek word for "love" is agapao, meaning "to esteem, love, indicating a direction of the will and finding one's joy in something or someone."

Notice the phrase "indicating a direction of the will." A husband is called by God to exercise his will to love his wife. Love is not simply an emotion or a feeling. Love is a willingness to continue in devotion and goodness toward the spouse.

For a society where women were little more than property, passed from father to husband, the command to love their wives was a radical idea. Paul knew few role models existed for the men to follow. He gave them the best role model possible: Jesus Christ.

1. Husbands should love their wives sacrificially "as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (v. 25).
Just as a husband must be careful not to abuse his wife's exhortation to submission, a wife must not abuse her husband's exhortation to sacrifice. Some men work several jobs sacrificing time at home in a continual effort to raise the standard of living for their families.

2. Husbands should love their wives in ways that encourage purity.
Christ encourages purity in His bride, the church, desiring for her to be holy and without stain. God calls upon husbands to treat their wives as pure vessels even in physical intimacy.

3. Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies" (v. 28).
I have to snicker when I think about verses 28 and 29. I wonder if Paul might have been thinking, "If you love yourself at all, Mister, then love your wife – because life will be far more pleasant under the same roof with a well-loved woman!"

I also have to wonder if Paul's reference to a man treating his wife as he does his own body, such as feeding and caring for it, implies that husbands are supposed to cook for their wives. I'm not certain about that interpretation, but I would submit to my husband's cooking any day!

I would like to suggest one last responsibility for both husbands and wives based on the final phrase in Ephesians 5:31: "And the two will become one flesh."

The Greek word for "flesh" in this passage is arx, which means "flesh of a living creature in distinction from that of a dead one." Our marriages were meant to be alive, not dead. Is your marriage more like a romance or roadkill?

Think of marriage as a three-legged stool. The legs are a submissive wife, a loving husband, and Christ. All three legs must be in place for marriage to work as God intended. A wife submitting to an unloving husband is as lopsided as a loving husband sacrificing for a domineering wife.

When Christ is not the head of the marriage relationship, the stool falls indeed. Paul pictures for us God's ideal marriage relationship. Sadly, many Christian women are trying to keep their stools balanced with only one leg in place – their submission.

Over the course of the last twenty years, my marriage has been at both extremes and everywhere in between, but Keith and I have never been the types who could tolerate dull for very long. God has always been faithful to restore the life, passion, and active care to our marriage, and we have worked very hard to cooperate.

You may need help from a real marriage expert like we have needed at times. I'd like to recommend the one who saved our marriage. His name is Wonderful Counselor, and His office is open twenty-four hours a day. He also uses human Christian counselors to help with His caseload!

Part 3: The Role of Christ in Marriage
Not only has Christ set the standard for a good marriage and the example of a loving husband, he offers sound counsel. Then He supplies every ounce of power necessary to make a marriage work.

"For by him all things were created" (Col. 1:16). Beloved, God created marriage (Gen. 2:21-24).

Figuratively speaking, before Adam and Eve said, "I do," God did. No one helped Him. Only God created marriage, and only He can hold it together.

Many people live in the same home and share a joint checking account under the same name, but they don't have a clue about the true covenant of marriage. Marriage as the institution and wonderful mystery God created cannot exist or hold together without Him.

Still with me????? See, I told y'all Beth could say all that better than I could.

Now, maybe God will let me go to sleep (it's 1:30 AM). He's been on me pretty hard about this subject for 2 days. What's that? You can't believe I wouldn't listen to God telling me what to do for 2 days? You thought I was this upstanding role model for Christian women? Oh. Well, I hate that I just blew that idea out of the water! I try to be. I always fail. But God forgives.

Goodnight.

God Bless.