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Friday, January 29, 2010

Asking "Why?" when you already know the answer

It's so unfair to ask God 'Why?' because in Romans 8:28 we are promised "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose". So we know that the answer to the question "Why?" is just that. God is doing it for our own good.

Remember when your parents told you that? "It's for your own good." Usually when my parents said that to me, it was because they were doing something, or making me do something that I did not particularly like, or agree with or even understand.

I draw that parallel to make myself understand the sudden death of a friend. An attempt to make some sense out of what seems senseless. In Isaiah 55:9 God tells us that His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. So I never will understand his dying. Not this side of Heaven, anyway.

But my heart is broken. It's heavy and it hurts. Our friend leaves behind a wife and 5 children. Four girls and a boy. The youngest two, the boy and the girl are exactly my children's age. So his sudden death really hits home. I cannot imagine that kind of grief. I pray that I never have to know it. As a mother and wife, I can't imagine the desperation she feels as she longs for her husband who will never hold her again. Who will never again call her just to say "I love you". But she can't just grieve for him alone. She has to attempt to console 5 children, two of which are too young to understand. I can believe that she is greiving for her children as well. Knowing that their dad will never again coach their ball team or tuck them in at night. I can imagine that they continue to hope that this is all a bad dream, and any minute he will walk through the front door and hug them all. But he won't.

It's so hard to understand how this is for anyone's good. But I KNOW it is. It is just hard to see it through the pain. This man loved his GOD. He loved to worship. While most Baptist men quietly say AMEN throughout the sermon he shouted "Praise the Lord!" and "That's right!" along with his AMENs! He was a joy to know. People will come to know the Lord as their personal saviour because of this death. He impacted so many people. He taught Cam's Sunday school class. A few years ago he helped coach his baseball team too. He had a heart for children and teens. They will never forget him.

Neither will we. Britt and I talked to him at lenth just this past Sunday. He talked about how my kids were going to outgrow me soon and how Cam is just as thin as his son. How they keep getting taller, but no wider. We never thought that was the last we would hear his infectious laugh.

Our family, our church and our community are all devastated. It makes you take a long look at yourself. You become acutely aware of your own mortality. You hug your children and spouse, and tell them how much you love them before leaving the house. You read that second bedtime story. You stop what you are doing and answer the phone when your mom calls instead of waiting and calling her later.

And you always always always buckle your seatbelt! Everyone would much rather be at the hospital today instead of planning a funeral.

God bless,


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